Randy aka Horny Kantang

Heya again folks.  It’s about that time I write something around here.  Since the last time I wrote, I thought I met someone spectacular.  This relationship was one of the better ones, but still didn’t last.  Gone out for 6 months before breaking up on Christmas Day itself.  I think the reason why we broke up is that we got into each other’s nerves.  She was constantly nagging and getting angry over the smallest things that could be easily solved.  I am always getting scolded no matter what I do or don’t do.  I am known to be quite laid-back, understanding, and easy-going.  There are times, where I’m tired from work and all I want to do is just relax, but at times she thinks I’m being too lazy.  In the end, we tried to give each other space, until Christmas Eve.  I decided to go over and see how things with her.  Everything went well, until the next morning we decided to go for breakfast.  I wanted to go brush my teeth, but mistakenly I used her toothbrush.  When she caught me, she was very angry.  I told her cooly that I’ll bring a spare from my place after.  She went to hysterics and ordered me to get her the same one.  After that, we really decided to call it off…..over a toothbrush.  I knew no stores were open on Christmas day, but she insisted that I find her that particular one.  So I tried, and the stores were closed.  In the end, I gave her one of my spares and that was it.

Sometimes, I really wonder what girls are thinking?  Do they really have high expectations in a guy?  Up to this point I really did the best I could.  I really did, but when is it enough for a girl? 

So now I sit around, trying to cope to being single again.  Well, the bright side, at least I can save money.  I have friends I can depend on.  They have been supportive of me, my brother thinks she is like my mom, always nagging, always angry over small things.  My friends thinks I could do so much better.  Maybe I can, or can’t.

Well, enough of my random rambling, I feel better now writing my feelings down on this blog.  Sometimes I do this just to move on with my life, and feel better about myself.  Well, thanks for reading this again, and Happy New Year.  I’ll be out celebrating myself.

Well, It’s the middle of the night, I am not tired yet, so here I am updating my blog.  Since my last post, I decided to try dating again.  I just found an exceptionally amazing girl about 2 weeks ago, and so far it’s been smooth sailing.  Although she is quite young, she is quite mature for her age….compared to the "Cream of the crap" I dated previously *shudder*.  Well, other than that I had just been promoted at Best Buy, and am now a senior in the Digital Imaging Department.  Only department left and worth learning is Home Theatre.  From the last post, I had moved from Richmond where I grew up to Vancouver/Burnaby.  My brother and I found a 1st floor suite in a house, and our landlord are an Italian retired couple.  They’re really cool, and sometimes I would go up, have a beer or wine, and chat with them for a while.  Sometimes they would go on little road trips, and I would offer to help water their garden while they are away.  Getting to know my new surroundings took a while, and it’s now brutal to get to work to Richmond most of the time, but that’s just life.  I seem to be pretty content with my life now, so only left one last thing…..my career.  I decided to really enter the Vancouver Police, but I decided to go back to school again and pick up Criminology.  So now I have to save up more money for school again.  Well, I will do my best again, and see how far things go.  Well, thanks for taking some time in reading this.  Take care guys and talk to you guy soon.

I am a person who will give people second chances, to let them understand the mistakes, and maybe grow up a little bit more.  This blog is for you Jayne, hopefully after reading this, I really hope you’ll learn about other people’s feelings for once.

I really thought I moved on with my life.  My goals for the summer is by July, I will be looking at my best.  Taking metabolic pills, cooking my own food, eating healthier and weight-training 5 days a week.  Slowly but surely, I started talking to Jayne again.  I still have feelings for her, so I thought being friends would be better than nothing.  My brother and some close friends were perplexed why I am talking to her again, but i ignored their advice.  Conversations were normal at first, but slowly things started to get weird.  She gets happy whenever I give her attention and especially calling her "Goddess of the Heaven".  She gets annoyed and sometimes mad whenever I talk about other girls.  I was really happy when she took the initiative for once to actually call me to see how I am doing, finding me on msn, and even worrying about me.  She even invited me to come over for lunch, but I refused because I have my routine to follow and I didn’t want to be late for work.  Again I was really touched, but confused at the same time.  The night before we chatted on MSN, and she asked me when is my day off.  She told me she would be busy that day, and so I replied I would be at the gym and doing my own thing.  She gotten silent and after much coaxing, she asked if I would go grocery shopping with her.  I couldn’t hold it anymore and had to ask her if are we still friends, or are you trying to get together with me?  She got mad, and told me we shouldn’t be contacting each other again.  My brother stepped into the room and read the whole conversation and told me why am i still talking to that immature girl.  He then took my phone, deleted her number, and deleted her msn and email from my list.  I remembered my brother saying, "Randy, You deserve someone a whole lot better than that immature girl, don’t even bother with Jayne."

I am not a play-thing for your amusment Jayne.  I am a straight-foward person who will always be honest, and caring.  I do not need these silly mind-games.  I was ready to be your friend again, but I will not tolerate anymore of your immature and self-absorbed banter.  I wouldn’t had mind so much if we were together, but definitely not as your friend.  I hope you realized that I am not a play-toy, but a regular respectable person.

I am not angry, or sad.  I had already moved on, and had already threw away our only card picture together Jayne.  I wish you all the best, and hopefully you will understand things better.  For all it’s worth, I really did love you Jayne, even until now.  Bye Jayne.

To everyone else reading this, I hope everyone will learn from my experience.  It’s not wrong to love a girl, but don’t let her walk over you.  Always be caring, and understanding but don’t always let her get her way.  Well, don’t worry about me guys, I have gym, work, and friends to keep me busy.  Anyways, I got my Mexico trip to worry about.

I had been on a couple of dates after my last post, but none has really met my expectations.  I think right now, I’ll just take a break from the dating game.  If anybody feels like I am being distant from them, then I’m sorry.  Previously, I had always being caring and attentive to others around me.  Now, I think It’s time to concentrate on someone more important.  No, not you….me.  It’s not that I don’t care about the people around me, I just felt I’d like to be alone for a change.  Other than a few close friends, I just don’t feel like entertaining other people.  I’m going to concentrate on work, and planning for the future.  When I am ready to try again, I’ll come out from my shell.

Well, once again my love life has been shattered beyond hope.  Not even the performance service plan would even cover it (Best Buy inside joke).  Now I am left with 2 choices.  One is to face reality, and move on with my life or I could still love that person and still have that false optimistic hope that we can still be together and continuously get hurt emotionally.  My close friends and family believes the first choice is better for me, but you know it’s painful that the person you love doesn’t return the feelings.  Hopefully the people reading this blog would learn something about MY definition on love and relationships.

So how is love created?  Is it love at first sight? Chemistry? or fairy tale romance?  I believed love was all those things when I was young and naive, but now that I am older and wiser, love is even more complicated as that.  Love does start from physical attraction, but personality plays a bigger role too.  Take for example. I could fall in love with any pretty girl, but if her personality is not to my liking, things would not work out.  Ever since I came back from the army, I had numerous dates but twice did I ever fell in love.  The first one in the end had become my really good friend who was always caring and worrying about me.  The second one just recently ended, or had not started at the first place.

In a relationship, it is said it takes two to tango, and that is true.  Love is never a one way street.  There are some people who believes in love at first sight, and fairy tale romance, but we know that they are living a lie.  People believes the person they fall with are just like a barbie doll still in it’s box.  Perfect.  Face reality people, that’s never ever going to happen.  Physical attraction will start it all, but being in a relationship takes alot of work, sacrifice, commitment, and consensus.  I would never ever expect the person I fall in love with to be perfect.  I know there will be fights, arguments, and tears, but with some communication and understanding everything will work out, and thats how relationships progress.  I am not perfect neither, I do have faults, problems, and I do stupid things countless of times.  Those who know me best, know I would never sleep or play around with girls.  I am the type of person if so happens I find a girl I truly love, I would put all the effort in making the relationship work.  I will be there for her and hopefully she’ll return the favor.

I think I am way too nice of a guy, always caring for friends and family, and subconsciously hurting someone else.  That’s how almost three months of effort went down the drain….for good.  Friends and family says I try too hard in finding a girl, which is true.  I find it funny that love comes when you are not looking.  I think I should take that advice.  I even got the 2 infamous lines most common for breaking up.  "It’s not you, It’s me" and "I think it’ll be better if we become friends instead."  Each time I hear those words, it’s like someone hammered a metal stake into my fragile heart.  Imagine being friends with the person you loved and cared about, and knowing that you will never have a chance in hell to go any further.  I mean, who would put themselves in that kind of torture?  I did.  In the end, I got really hurt and cried for the first time in a long while, and first time for a girl I really cared about. 

I don’t think I am a selfish person, I had always put my friends needs and problems before I can deal with my own.  Is selfishness means being loved and cared about, then yes I am guilty.  Am I wrong?  I think everyone is also guilty of that charge, admit it.  We are all selfish in that sense.  At best buy, I see couples everywhere holding arms and looking so affectionate to each other.  I long for that feeling too, and that is part of what I am looking for.  I am not a lonely guy, I have a lot of friends I can rely with and have fun.  Everyone knows I am one of the greatest guys around, and I am always the life of the party.  If I have to lose some dignity to make someone smile, I would do it without hesitation….ok stop laughing guys. 

Well, with all this said and done, I really hope that after reading this we all can learn something about ourselves and improve from it.  About my decision?  Well, I think we all know the answer already.  I had put all my ever loving care into everything, but in the end we are not together.  Girls don’t know what they want, but they know what they don’t want.  It is true.  From now on, I am going back to dating older women.  They know what they want in a man, and I am sure I will be appreciated more than most of the young girls I had dated in the past.  I will move on, so don’t worry about me.  I wish everyone all the best finding a relationship and trying to maintain it.  It’s all fair in love and war.

An interesting thing happened when I went grocery shopping with my brother.  As we were leaving the store, I found out that the 4 gallon of water we re-filled didn’t get paid.  My brother and I decided to go back and pay for the water.  The security guard and the women at the customer service were surprised because it’s rare to find honest people at this day and age, especially chinese people.

I remembered many years ago, honesty and kindness was common, but now it ain’t the same as it was then.  I think it is because there are way too many chinese immigrants lately.  I know I am asian, but I am more civilized than those indecent, rude pathetic excuse of a human.  Suddenly, the city I once loved is slowly becoming another chinatown.  I try to shun away from the cruelties of reality, but it came at full blast as I started working at Best Buy.

There are a couple of things I detest about them.  Other than being rude and un-friendly, they have the worst breath ever, especially the ones from mainland china.  I had to keep a pack of gum or mint, so i can offer to them before they talk to me.  I hate being harrased for deals and discounts on items, I mean stop being cheap you stingy bastards!!!!  The one thing I can’t tolerate are customers talking behind my back….in chinese.  I over-heard a customer complaining about me on how I can’t speak mandarin.  I retorted back telling him to learn some f*cking english before you step into Canada you bloody f*cking immigrant.  I even showed them the Canadian maple leaf badge on my shoulder to show them they are not in f*cking China anymore.  I know I should’ve kept my cool because I am working in retail, but why should I give them respect when they never gave me any?  Chinese immigrants think everyone should speak chinese, and not learn any english.  Go back whence you came from you vile humans from the netherworld.

Not all asian people are entirely corrupt, I know there are some good people out there still hanging on to those good values like my brother and I.  To those otherwise, learn to speak english or get out of Canada.  Oh yeah remember to brush your teeth.

I think its about time I update my blog.  Well, its been over a year since i came back from the army, and alot has happened to me so far.  Had many jobs, some not too admirable.  I seem to get bored too easily, and not take my job seriously after a while.  Tried security, but after the same old routine and graveyard shifts gets to me after a while.  Tried construction in the summer, it was a great workout, but it is really tiring.  I am a fairly big guy for an asian, but I am nothing compared to those big huge white guys.  Had some pretty amazing job sites like reverting a river in North Vancouver.

In the fall, I had a pretty good job selling cell phones, but it is really competitive and my boss is real b*tch.  I had a really good job offer at Best Buy and decided to work there instead.  So far I am still working there and go promoted already, and as far as it goes, I am enjoying my work.  The job is still quite competitive, but the store is non-commision, so during the slow period, I really enjoy working with the people there.  I had some rough times with customers, and so far I lost my anger twice.  The 1st time I almost wanted to throw the crippled guy’s wheel chair in the compactor, but when I got back from my out-burst he was gone.  That lucky bastard!!!!  I am living with my gay brother, but it ain’t so bad.  At least I’m not staying with my mom or dad, but my dad lives with his girlfriend next door to my brother and I.

My romantic life has been a roller-coaster.  Had some pretty interesting and fun dates, but most of them are just bust.  I have met a really great girl recently, but right now we’re friends.  My feelings for her will never change, and hope someday it will progress.  I think I am at the stage where I just want to slow down and settle down a bit.  I’m not talking about marriage, but you know….just find a really nice and understanding girl.  Other than that, I am really satisfied with my life right now.  I have my much needed freedom although it does come with a price.  Rent and Bills.  Goddamn taxes!!! 

Speaking of which, I have watched a really good movie recently, it’s called Rent.  It’s a musical that depicts a group of people in the slums of New York City during the 1990’s where they are so poor, they can’t afford to pay their rent.  During that time, AIDS and drugs were consuming the whole country.  Somehow they managed to find love and romance within all the chaos.  It is really a great musical, and it is a must see movie.

Anyways, this is what has happened to me so far and I will try and update more often.  At the mean time, take care friends and thanks for reading this.

I have to admit, never ever would I expect the guys to come over to my work place to walk around my job site.  From a simple dinner at a restaurant to suddenly drinking beers in one of the empty parking lot.  All this happen when I am still working on a graveyard shift on a Sat. night.  The most awkward moment was Clint’s sister in the men’s restroom with us using the cubicle while 3 of us guys are using the urinals.  That and hearing her asking why are there no noise when we pee….ANYWAYS moving on.  Drank beers, talked and joked around, and taking a walk around my job site.  In the end, I even followed them to Tim Hortens for a bite to eat.  Luckily my co-worker is also a big time slacker and will cover for me.  Talked for a good hour at Tim Hortens and ended with a smoke.  My friends all hated me because I got to drink, chatted, and hanged out during my work hours.  All in all, life is good….

Well, I just got hired at Paladin Security.  If I manage to pass the course, I will get posted to somewhere around the lower mainland.  I am hoping it will be at Richmond Mall, Lansdowne Mall, or at BCIT where my friends are.  I went to the interview in my cargos and t-shirt, and when I showed up for the interview, they weren’t too impress that I didn’t put any effort in dressing formally.  In the end, they hired me because of my army experience.  If my army friends are reading this, they would probably laugh right now at this moment.  They think of me as a slacker, joker, avoiding demeaning tasks and got them to do it.  It’s true, but I still put in some work.  My friends and I always constantly hiding from our superior and hide in the tool shop pretending to work, but realistically we always joked, laughed and made fun of each other.  Those were the good old days, and I still miss them from time to time.  Anyways I hope you all cheer me on my new job….yes thats including you jackasses still laughing.  Well, gonna review my notes….

Texas Hold Em is fun!!!!  My friends and I myself went out for dinner, stopped by to take away some bubble tea, and headed over to Clint’s house to play Texas Hold Em.  Luckily, Shao Tien brought over his container filled with pennies and used those for gambling.  Clint’s younger sister also joined us for dinner, and also playing Texas Hold Em with us.  We agreed who ever was the loser, treats the winner to a meal at Mcdonalds.  It wasn’t much, but made it quite more interesting.  I might consider in the future gambling real poker chips, and bet real money.  We played for hours, and in the end I ended up losing a lot of money, and sadly it was Clint’s little sister Pauline who won the most.  Well, once I got a job I have to treat her.  It was funny, my friends and I always joked around who will be the 1st to go with his sister just to see him get mad.  All in all, I had a lot of fun